As much as I may not want to admit it, the confession I need to make is that I’m a guy who is an emotional eater.
There’s no denying it. Sure, I have thought this to myself many times before and I’ve probably mumbled it out loud when no one else was around. But this is the first time I’ve actually written it down and shared it with the online world.
That is a huge step, because I think “coming clean” is something that needs to happen before I am able to move ahead in really addressing my eating habits and changing how I think about food.
So just to reiterate: I am a man who’s an emotional eater, which means someone who feeds a feeling and not necessarily just an appetite at the appropriate meal-times. It’s not the same as what we all do from time to time, feeding a happy feeling with a treat, or just being tempted to eat something we know we probably shouldn’t. Rather, emotional eating is a coping mechanism “characterized by an obsessive/compulsive relationship to food.”
Over the years, I’ve noticed this emotional eating trend growing in me. What was once an off-day occurrence
over the weekend or periodically at other times, is now a regular happening pretty much every night. Every day during daylight hours, I do my best to not overeat and keep my BGs in line. Often I skip breakfast (which I know is not recommended). Then later, after exerting all that energy throughout the day, I find myself not wanting to carb count or watch my food intake once dinnertime rolls around, and — you guessed it — the emotional eating begins!
Quite often, I find I want to comfort myself and feel better, so I just grab the entire bag of chips or box of crackers and eat away. Blood sugar consequences be damned!
For me, it’s not really about which type of food may or may not be a healthy choice. Rather, it’s about the serving size / amount, and my (lack of) will power to stop myself from eating more and more to appease whatever I’m feeling at that particular moment. The food is almost an escape, where I feel like “I’m in control” for as long as I am stuffing my face. Hey, I didn’t say it made any logical sense…
And for the record: those who’ve seen me in person know that my weight is about 160 and I’m just naturally a thin-ish guy (although in recent months, my belly is slightly larger than it has been).
When I became an insulin pumper, I found that the carb-counting and bolus dosing by push of a few buttons almost fed my habit to eat at any point. Really, I could simply justify it with, “I’ll just give myself some quick insulin and it will all be OK.”
So the pump’s flexibility almost made it easier for me to just keep eating without limit. How ironic.
Back in November, I decided to take a break from my pump to help mix things up and give myself a little kick in the pants to get back on the D-management bandwagon. My past two pump breaks actually helped me drop my A1C, making me think about everything I put into my mouth and decide whether it was worth stabbing myself with a needle (otherwise known as bolus-worthy).
This third pump hiatus hasn’t been the charm, though, and I’ve not been able to shake my emotional eating.
But recently, two items from the Diabetes Online Community (DOC) have given me some insight into how I can do better when it comes to my eating habits.
A VIAL Of… (Not Insulin)
First, there’s fellow D-blogger and friend Lee Ann Thill who is doing a research project as part of her doctoral program. She’s called the initiative the VIAL Project, which stands for Voice, Insulin, Art, Life. It’s a new a social networking website for people with type 1 who also have food and body issues, and want to share original arts-based work and connect with others online.
(This adds to Lee Ann’s advocacy accomplishments that already include the World Diabetes Day Postcard Exchange and Diabetes Art Day — soon approaching on Feb. 4!)
Over at her blog The Butter Compartment, Lee Ann writes that since the VIAL Project is for her doctoral degree, she’ll be collecting and analyzing user-submitted content to identify any themes or trends that emerge.
From her description of the site, Lee Ann educated me that our food and body issues cover a range of behaviors and experiences — from compulsive overeating and stress-eating, to “inhaling food” to avoid or treat low blood sugars, to using food as a coping mechanism to deal with stress, depression, and feelings of dissatisfaction.
The latter rings very true for me, because when I look back at the depression and mental health struggles I’ve had in recent years, I can see how my emotional eating seems tied to that. As my mood went up and down, so did my eating behavior. Until it just became habit to eat emotionally.
In comparison to more severe eating disorders like diabulimia (which advocates in the UK want recognized as its own condition) my own excessive eating habits don’t seem very significant. But I know they’re highlighting deeper mental health issues I continue struggling with and in a sense we’re all dealing with the same type of thing.
I’ve signed up for the VIAL Project and am so far enjoying the discussions, as they are teaching me the warning signs to look for in my own life and offering me tips and tricks to deal with conflicted feelings about food.
It’ s been very helpful so far, and all there’s even more help on the way from the DOC these days on the topic of emotional eating.
A Wellness Workbook
Fellow D-Blogger Ginger Vieira has also written a book about this very topic that so many of us (PWDs and non-PWDs) struggle with to some degree. Her 44-page book is not what I was expecting when I heard it was coming my way via mail. Instead of an instructional manual, this is more of a workbook in which you can follow along and apply what you’re reading to your own life, and Ginger takes a refreshing and down-to-Earth look at this topic that she’s helped others recognize in her work as a personal life coach. Already, her book’s helping me look at my eating habits in a different way.
In an interview on Tony Rose’s Blogging Diabetes podcast recently, Ginger shared this about putting her book together:
“I wanted to create something that’s not a textbook, not thick and heavy, and is not full of over-analyzation. I just wanted to put in the words (people) really need to hear to improve their relationship with food.”
That’s something I really appreciate in this thin workbook, because it doesn’t scare me off with lots of pages and scientific language. Something else I really like about Ginger’s book is that every section includes some chalkboard-looking boxes at the bottom of the pages that include personal stories from fellow PWDs — names known in the DOC like Scott Johnson, Cherise Shockley, Jenny Smith, Abby Bayer, Ann Bartlett and Mike Lawson. This really made me feel connected to other people who experience some of the same types of things I do.
The design is also catchy, as the text and font sizes vary and in some instances are HUGE and take up the whole page to spotlight some nuggets of wisdom. The look keeps you entertained and motivated to keep moving through the book.
A handful of worksheets also allows you to dig into the material and express your own thoughts and emotions about the content, and how you feel about all these food topics. I discovered a few things about myself that I hadn’t really considered before, such as “Do you truly believe you deserve happiness and health?” This made me think more deeply about the root of the problem, and that it’s really not the food — but rather my overall depression — that may guide my emotional eating habits.
One thing made me curious as I was thinking about emotional eating: it seems most often we hear women voicing these concerns, not guys. A quick Google search shows a lot of references to stats saying men constitute just 10% of emotional eaters. But some researchers point out that men may just be less likely to admit it.
I reached out to Ginger, and she agreed: “In my experience, men are just as prone to emotional eating and binge eating as women, but it isn’t a ‘manly’ thing to talk about. Therefore, men are not able to express or share what they’re doing with the people close to them, while it’s more normal for women to talk about their diets and weight loss goals.”
I love Ginger’s frank approach, and would say that overall, she’s created a great resource with this new book!
Emotional Eating with Diabetes is available on Amazon for only $9.99, in print or via Kindle.
We’re not doing our traditional book giveaway this time around, but we do have a special offer for ‘Mine readers! Ginger has generously set up an exclusive offer for readers interested in working with her on healthier food and D-Living aspects.
All you have to do is mention this DiabetesMine blog post when you email Ginger to schedule a free initial coaching consult. You’ll then receive life coaching sessions for just $45 per session, down from the usual six-pack rate of $60 per session!
Thanks for the great discount, Ginger! I may have to think about taking you up on this myself…
Hopefully, with help from Ginger’s book and Lee Ann’s network, I get a better grip on these emotional eating habits I’ve developed; if I can grow into bad habits, I must be able to grow out of them too, right?
Like many things in life and living with diabetes, I’m sure 99% of this is “all in my head” and involves re-training my brain to healthier views on food and how I respond to negative feelings. It’s work in progress, which I’m excited to tackle… with a little help from my friends!
 About Emotional Eating)
Mike, I’m right there with you. In the early days of diabetes we had to eat to cover our fixed insulin regimes. That alone is a guarantee of a screwed up relationship with food.
Pump enables easy eating, I’ve done this far too many times. I’d said it’s a daily/weekly struggle.
I found David Kessler’s book The End of Overeating was useful in at least one way. He did a good job explaining how treats can quickly become habitual. Like getting an ice cream when I fill the car with gas, versus stopping at a gas station to get an ice cream. I was doing that while reading the book and then light dawned…
This is hard stuff. Thank you for sharing and letting us know about Ginger and Lee Ann’s work. They are both DOC forces that move the universe. Once I get through Gingers My Diabetes Science Experiment book, I’ll have to get the new one.
One thing I have noticed for myself is that I still have a sweet tooth, but fooling it is the best plan. When I get a craving for something sweet, I have a diet soda. Splenda does not make my BG go up and that Pepsi MAX is awesome (it really tastes like regular Pepsi)! So what I do is I have something that’s okay to eat (wheat crackers and cheese or peanut butter) washed down with a glass of Pepsi MAX or another favorite– Crystal Light Fruit Punch. It feeds my sweet tooth but ALSO gives me a decent snack.
I have also found myself putting on a little weight, but I realize the cause of it. When I was first diagnosed about 3 1/2 years ago, I had lost 20 pounds before I realized I was diabetic, so my nutritionist took this into account in my daily carb totals. I haven’t changed my carb totals AT ALL since I was diagnosed, so my diet is set up for weight gain. Unfortunately, I’m doing a study right now that requires me to use consistent amounts of insulin, so I can’t change my food intake. As soon as the study’s over, I’m dropping 15g from lunch and dinner to aid in weight loss.
Mike, I’m sure it took a lot of courage to write and publish this article. Like you said, it’s just not a “guy thing” to admit. And I totally get what you mean about the dangers of new-found pump freedom. I was on a rigid diet for as long as I could remember (as a regular/NPH user and before that under my parents’ control), and I quickly found out how abandoning a strict diet could easily lead to an abandonment of control altogether
Thanks for the comment, Scott. Yes, I have found that same thing when pumping. My first two pump vacations actually helped a lot, since I would more seriously think about whether I needed and wanted to eat something at the cost of having to inject. It made me more accountable and diligent in my eating habits. But this current one hasn’t been the same, and I’ve not been as motivated to follow that train of thought. It’s all up to the person and so I’m ready to go back to pumping and getting my deeper eating habits in line while connected.
This topic is sooo needed , thanks for your honesty.
Being diabetic almost forces us to have a love/hate relationship with food.
And, as in Any relationship we must learn to set boundaries.
Some of us are better at doing that than others.
You are NOT alone in your struggles.
Hi All – I just learned that the Behavioral Diabetes Institute in San Diego is starting a program called MAKING PEACE WITH FOOD — good stuff.
For info, click on the link below and scroll down about halfway through the page:
http://behavioraldiabetesinstitute.org/programs-schedule-diabetes.html
When I was in college, I had a very messed up relationship with food. I was still on injections, so no pump vacation was going to save me.
What it boiled down to was a battle of will power, and too much deprivation. I ate low fat/no fat foods all of the time. I stuck to the rules. Until 9 pm or after. I’d get the munchies that never stopped.
Over the years, after growing up and settling down, I’ve grown leaps and bounds. I’ve learned that deprivation makes me a binge eater.
If I have to cut sugar – which I do – my a1c is a lot happier low carb, then I absolutely cannot cut fat. You need to have something satisfying in your meal, and if you don’t, you are more likely to graze or binge later.
I eat bacon, cheese, nuts, burgers – anything that doesn’t has carbs is a free food that I don’t think twice about. Carbs are what I count and limit.
I am now only on the rare occasion a comfort eater I’m proud to say.
And… I weigh less.
All those no-fat diet years did not make me lose weight; it was just the opposite. Now that I actually eat real, satisfying, and tasty high-fat food? The weight just came right off.
It’s not an overnight change. It’s an evolution. I’m thankful for a healthy eating spouse who wouldn’t put up with low fat food lol.
First, thank you so much for sharing VIAL Project with DM readers. I encourage anyone with type 1 and food and body-related concerns to join and participate. I’m hopeful that the website is going to provide new insights into the experience of people with type 1 and food-body concerns. There is so much to learn so PWD can be better supported, and participation will be key to learning more about this complicated problem.
I would like to add that I know type 2′s can also have complicated relationships with food, and I hope to open the site up to a broader audience for all PWD in the future, but since this is a research project, it was necessary to narrow the focus due to the differences between the two diagnoses.
Secondly, thank you for sharing your own struggles, Mike. There is a stigma against men sharing when they have food and body concerns, and the only way to reduce that stigma, and get more people talking. Your openness about it will not only help you, but others.
AmyT Its gona help lots of people suffering from diabetes.
Glad that you’re shining the light on these resources, Mike.
I too struggle with a messed up relationship with food, and I, like Bernard, put some blame on eating for the old insulins. We had to be disconnected from our actual hunger signals – which was very fertile ground for creating a bad relationship with food.
Great Post. I have quite a few patients with diabetes who ask how to get around the emotion of eating. It is not an easy thing to get around for many reasons. I appreciate you sharing your personal story.
I think it’s common for T1s to struggle with food, although for many it doesn’t actually get to the point of actually having an eating disorder. But some of the stuff you said DOES sound like an eating disorder. Up til now, almost all the focus has been on young girls who omit insulin and then binge and feel good about losing weight (and cover up the symptoms of high BGs and ketones), but the fact is that it’s a MUCH wider world than that. It’s not just young girls: I just finished a program for eating disorders and I’m almost 65 years old. While it’s true that the bingeing started long before my diabetes diagnosis, the diabetes made it just that much more complicated. I’m positive there are men out there with similar problems; maybe they don’t express themselves in quite the same way, but still. I am hoping that the eating-disorder treatment community will open up and start studying those who haven’t been studied before, and I hope you will find a way to deal with your own issues. I sure do understand them, and am still working on my own issues, so here is my helping hand: \||||
Mike,
Thanks SO MUCH FOR YOUR HONESTY and putting your (and so many of us out here in the vast Diabetes Universe) struggle in black cyber print for us to see, ponder, and gain courage from. I wish to put my voice out there for type 2′s also needing to have resources regarding the complicated relationships we have with food and eating. Hooray for and thank you to, the creative innovators who are addressing these issues.
This topic is so desirable. Mike, You tell this story in a very gorgeous way. Many people suffer this eating disorder and search to get its treatment. I like your story. Its not only helpful fore you but others also. Every one should set boundaries before eating. Always be moderate with food.
[...] eating in the diabetes community affects people of all ages and genders. Michael Hoskins writes on Diabetes Mine about using emotional eating as a coping mechanism for feelings, and how it is not considered [...]
[...] Mike Hoskins shares his story on emotional eating at DiabetesMine [...]