This week is Mental Health Awareness Week, which is related to life with diabetes in more ways than many of us care to admit. Oftentimes, diabetes can take us to a dark place, where not only managing this illness but making it through life, day-to-day, can seem overwhelming.
This national advocacy initiative was initially established in 1990 by the U.S. Congress, with awareness and assistance tools organized by the National Alliance on Mental Illness. To mark the week, I’d like to share my own story of being clinically depressed and finally reaching out to get the professional help I needed.
I wrote about it at the beginning of the year in a personal post called Beginning Again.
Symptoms might sound familiar or strange, depending on your own personal experiences: I felt withdrawn, unfocused, irritable, and just not myself. My diabetes management was out of control and it just didn’t seem worth trying to change that.
At the time, I described it this way: I was like a ship in the darkened night-time waters trying to find my way to shore. The light house wasn’t easy to find, but I knew it was there. The choppy waters of depression and diabetes and life stresses were all crashing against me, slowing down my journey and pushing me even further off course.
But a fellow Person With Diabetes (PWD) who happened to be a therapist helped me conquer those waters. I actually dubbed her “Mind Ninja” because of her nimble “ninja skills” to get into into my psyche. Mind Ninja became my navigational guide, allowing me to talk openly about how I really felt and the fears I had, while encouraging me to interact with people and confront my feelings. She prompted me to retrain my brain to replace negative thinking with positive thoughts, and move forward one day at a time. She emphasized that I should not view sharing my story or taking meds as weaknesses, but necessary steps forward.
With her help, I was able to find that beacon to help me reach the calm mental “shoreline” where I needed to be.
That’s where I’ve been, safely anchored to shore for the past several months, with the help of some medication that keeps me afloat in particular choppy waters.
The toughest part, in the beginning, was seeking help. I’d kept telling myself: “No, I’m not depressed. I just need to deal. This isn’t anything I can’t manage on my own. If I can’t, then I must be weak and ill-equipped to simply handle my own life!”
But through hearing the stories of several others in the Diabetes Online Community (DOC), I was able to see that it wasn’t a weakness to share these personal struggles… these emotional and mental hurdles that I wasn’t able to deal with on my own. These people opened my eyes.
And I hope that other PWDs who need it most can find that strength and courage now, to reach out if they are feeling down in the depths.
There’s nothing wrong with that, nothing to be ashamed of.
Now, I haven’t been to see Mind Ninja since early summer because — well, I think all has been OK. The meds have been helping and keeping me focused, not overly worrying or stressing about anything. The start of the day is reserved for some positive-thinking and maybe a quick walk outside with my Riley Dog to get the mind moving forward. And then I make the effort a couple of times each day to take a short break to play with the pup or just take a walk around the block to take in the sunshine and fresh air.
Yes, there are times when I still feel down — about life in general and also in regard to diabetes. Lately, I’ve just been emotionally exhausted about being all “bionic,” wearing an insulin pump and CGM and always on the hunt for a new spot of real estate. (My wife and I are hoping to move soon.) Taking a pump break and letting myself go with multiple daily injections for a day or two has helped, giving me a way to rest without letting my D-management go by the wayside.
Taking a “diabetes vacation” now and then is something o
ur friend and esteemed diabetes psychologist Dr. Bill Polonsky suggests as a way to mind one’s emotional health.
Since starting work at the ‘Mine back in May, I’ve also had to pay special attention to gradually weaning myself off of being connected online all the time. Personal and professional diabetes advocacy take up most of my time, and I realize that I do need to draw a line between my personal and professional lives in order to avoid being overwhelmed. So I’ve made a renewed effort to devote my off-hours to family and household matters, to keep my sanity.
All in all, I’m in a much better place now than I was at the beginning of 2012. It took some extra attention to my own mental health, and becoming aware of how others were handling their own issues and telling their stories to let me know it was OK to step up and ask for help. And so, that’s what I hope we can do as a community this week: encourage those who need it to ask for help.
Because really, we can’t do it ourselves all the time and often we need some friends to help shoulder a burden — or a good therapist who really “gets” what you’re going through. The first step is knowing that it’s OK to not have to carry our burdens all by ourselves…
Welcome to my world. I’m Bipolar, diagnosed back in 1988. Lithium and St. John’s Wort are my best friends.
Lovely and important, but you are a lovely and important Young person. The emotional difficulties of being diagnose in one’s 60s overlap, of course, but are different. Still, Bravo for your awareness. I have found the Behavioral Diabetes Institute helpful over the years….Blessings on us all…Judith in Portland
thanks for sharing your story. this ship too has looked for it’s shoreline in the dark. imagine how depressed I became (while I was taking meds!! ) when our daughter became type 1 diabetic. luckily I can help guide her to the best of my ability. knowing that depression will most likely be an issue for her as well someday. I suppose I will be her tugboat in life.
Having diabetes is not that bad because there are a lot of support groups and positive reinforcement available. Mental health is important in dealing with diabetes because there will a lot of changes that we need to overcome.
I’m glad that you recognized you needed assistance and were able to find what works for you. I’m feeling overwhelmed with my diabetes management (including the associated medical bills), life and dealing with a few deaths in the family. I work in a field where I recognize depression and refer others to places where they can get help. My issue is I haven’t been able to locate anyone who will take a more natural approach to dealing with depression. Once I vocalize that I am not looking for medication, they seem to write you off as if that is the only way. This adds to my feelings of being overwhelmed.
Crystal: I’m so sorry you’re feeling that way. It took me a while to realize and accept meds weren’t taboo for me, and actually were going to help “jump start” my overcoming depression. Not something that was pushed or overly encouraged by those I went to… Hope you find someone. In the meantime, please don’t hesitate to reach out and drop a line my way. Always up for chatting. You know where to find me. Best your way, with virtual hugs.
I have been a person with diabetes (PWD seems awkward after the label for 49 years) in what seems like all my life because I do not remember a time I was not a diabetic. I grew up ostracized with classmates parents afraid to let their kids hold my hand for fear of getting diabetes from me. I was lonely in a small town but it did not get better when I went to college because I was afraid of the complications while the other kids I met with Type 1 were having a great time drinking and eating anything they wanted…. by age 30, 5 of those college classmates were deceased but at the time, I was jealous but too afraid to misbehave. I no longer fear the complications but I had made the decision young not to be a burden to someone else with my diabetes because I knew I was to my parents all the times I came back from crashing lows, not knowing where I was or how I got there. I regret the decision now because it is lonely – I think I placed more emphasis on the bad aspects of my disease than on the good aspects of me. However little comfort comes from hindsight. A diabetes vacation sounds interesting but how exactly would someone go about that who hasn’t seen the point of a vacation alone and too nervous since childhood to go anywhere with someone on a real travel vacation? I have been told I have helped lots of people ‘get a grip’ on their diabetes through my working with them but am not sure where to turn to get a grip for myself. I bottle things up really well and have for years so most people have no idea how lonely I am but then they don’t know how much they hurt me that way either. Yes I am on medication for depression, not sure it does enough but at least I go to work daily, don’t cry and can plaster the required ‘customer service smile’ on my face. Don’t suggest Facebook but where could I find someone to talk to anonymously about my insecurities until I could feel comfortable enough to show the scared little person inside that I am?
This is to ‘Been Wondering’ —your statement about your college classmates being deceased so early in life is essentially the same one that made me decide to get the most out of life I could while I could – as a preteen I asked then was told I might live until I was 40 – everyone with diabetes at that point in history was dying around then. So My plan became to try just about everything and anything that came along – as long as it wasn’t an obvious life threat. Even at a time when glucose monitors didn’t exist, I just did my best to make the diabetes adjust it’s demands to my lifestyle. When my lovelife didn’t seem to include vacation offshore – I travelled alone – but with a world reknown resort group that would be able to not only supply all the food I’d need but the transportaion / sporting activities with trainers / medical help if required/ and of course all the wine interaction I wanted! It’s experiences like that that make you able to put up with the negative bumps in the road – because that’s what they become – bumps that are left behind. The next time you see a bump – you drive around it. If you don’t see it, you’ve already learned what to do after going over it – you’ve been there before and you move on. My brittle diabetes has made me always take the ‘prepare for the worst / expect the best’ approach to life. And as for depending on parents – as soon as I left home for university, I really never came back except to visit – Thanksgiving dinner was great!
Actually I have at this late stage in life encountered a bump that is becoming a big hole. It is only associated with diabetes, because the medical community keeps misdiagnosing health concerns as ‘diabetic’ – and thus provides little / no/ or inappropriate treatment. The effect on the diabetes control is of course wild. And when I say things are not well, I get the response that it must be depression. One has to be very diplomatic with the medical community – it’s a small circle. Somehow when they hear my hoofbeats, no one see’s the Zebra without stripes – they only see horses.
Great topic and great article, Mike. It is so so so hard for some folks to give themselves PERMISSION to take a day off! But we all need it.
Susan,
Thank you for your take on living with diabetes! I am sorry you are dealing with a Hole in the road! I know exactly what you mean because I am presently dealing with same situation where everything that is going wrong is due to my diabetes and I know it is not all diabetes – complicating factor, yes, but the problem NO. I can tell that you have have opportunities that small town living doesn’t offer from the world renowned trips you mentioned – trusting total strangers without a back-up recommendation isn’t easy. I love the analogy of zebra without stripes! It is ironic that the one thing most needed in the medical community is the importance of listening to the patient but time is THE valued commodity so listening disappears and cookie cutter philosophy takes over. PWD’s are not all alike but many times one size fits all is the approach used. You have diabetes so you must be depressed, your A1c is high so you must be having complications – What happened to “My blood sugars are high because something else is wrong but I don’t know what” answers? If someone knows the answer, please let me know too!
Such a great discussion. My A1c is great (4.9), but I feel like s*%t a lot of the time due to fibromyalgia since 1996 and arthritis in several joints. And now psoriasis, which is being increasingly linked to T2……Diabetes , T1 or T2, is like some kind of vacuum sweeper that sucks in any random other physical limitation floating around out there—EVEN with tight control. I call it a diabolical whimsey that f*&%ks with us whenever it can…..
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