I have been thinking about depression a lot lately. And not just because May is National Mental Health Awareness Month. When I wrote our post on Diabetes and Depression last year for our 411 series on diabetes complications, I had no idea that this particular complication was going to impact my life in such an unexpected way.
Earlier this spring, I found out that my friend, Caitlin McEnery, a type 1 PWD for 25 years and a passionate diabetes advocate, had passed away unexpectedly the day before her 27th birthday. She was found dead in her apartment after she failed to return her parent’s phone calls. No one on her college campus, where she was getting her degree in nursing, had seen her either.
Caitlin and I have a few things in common that are fairly obvious — our age, chronic condition, and passion for helping those with diabetes — but we also have something in common that I have not discussed very much.
Depression.
Depression and diabetes don’t mix well together. In fact, one could say that depression is among the deadliest of diabetes complications because it’s so insidious and so easily masked. While depression itself may not physically cause any damage, depression fosters anger, frustration and apathy. From there, depression can breed carelessness, recklessness and a fatalistic attitude toward health, relationships, and life.
All those things plus diabetes makes for a deadly combination.
After Caitlin passed away, after her death was announced and her obituary was published, many people asked me if she died from diabetes. I spoke with a mutual friend of ours to see if the family knew for sure whether this was the case. Nothing had been publicly released, but she replied, “Does it matter? Of course it was diabetes.”
One way or another, it seems that it always comes back to diabetes.
A few months ago, I was diagnosed with depression. I started seeing both a therapist and a psychiatrist and started on an antidepressant. When I announced publicly that I had depression, a lot of people assumed it was the diabetes that caused it. To be honest, it wasn’t. Not everything in life revolves around diabetes. But I will say that having depression made it very difficult to manage my diabetes. I didn’t care to test my blood sugar as often as I should have, and I had no interest in examining my readings, despite knowing full well things weren’t going so great. I comforted myself with poor eating habits. The depression caused lethargy which made it difficult to stay active. When all was said and done, my 30-day average on my glucose meter topped 250 mg/dl.
Living with diabetes and depression is like the chicken and the egg scenario. Either the diabetes causes depression, which can kill you, or the depression causes problems with your diabetes, which can kill you. Sometimes one comes after the other, but sometimes it almost feels like they’re just happening at the same time. When you don’t know what’s causing the problem, it can be difficult to know how to get help.
And that’s really the crux of this whole depression issue. The ability to speak up and tell someone how you’re feeling. To be open and vulnerable and say, “There is something wrong and I need help,” even when you have no idea what’s really wrong and you have no idea what anyone could do to help you.
Depression convinces you that you are the only one going through what you’re feeling. Depression convinces you that life isn’t worth the work. Depression convinces you that no matter what you do, it will never be good enough and that the problems you face are insurmountable.
Basically, depression is a lying bitch. Considering diabetes is a relentless bitch, I can see why the two are often found in pairs.
In honor of National Mental Health Month, the Diabetes Advocates are working on a media campaign to help raise awareness of the correlation between diabetes and depression. Diabetes doubles the odds of depression, and approximately 30% of people with diabetes also have depression. Yet the media mainly focuses on heart disease, blindness and neuropathy as the complications of diabetes. But depression and diabetes is serious business. No matter what the cause, if you have both, you need to get help.
There are people who understand what you’re going through, both people with diabetes, and trained therapists and psychiatrists who can teach you the coping tools — and if necessary, give you medication — that you need. Life really is worth the work. And that no matter the size of your problems, you can face them with the right support. It can be difficult to self-diagnose depression. I resisted seeking help for a long time. I didn’t think I was “bad enough” and when I did have dark times, I assumed it would eventually “go away.” Depression — real depression, not just feeling down in the dumps — does not just “go away.”
Depression, as I learned, can be triggered by events in your life, not just because you have a chemical problem in your brain. For a long time, I thought life was just “getting to me” and that once life got better, I would get better. Depression can be caused by serious illness (obviously!), death or loss, conflict, genetics, and other personal problems. There is no single reason why people become depressed.
I’m so glad that I have a wonderful husband, family and friends, who were able to help me get on the road to treating my depression. I don’t know how long it will take, but I know I’m finally on the right path. It was a scary first step, but I’m glad I took it.
I only wish I had my friend Caitlin to join me.
Thanks for this brave post, Allison. It helps me and I know it will help many others. Your friend’s story is tragic. I’m sorry for your loss and I’m so glad you are taking care of yourself and have support.
Fantastic post Allison. Thanks for help to raise awareness of the common and dangerous combination of diabetes and depression. It can really be hard to reach out for help when you combine the stigma often associated to diabetes with the one associated with depression.
I’m glad you’re getting help with it and that you’ve got a great support team!
Great post Allison! I went thru a period of depression caused by a life event and my diabetes really suffered for it. It is hard to take care of a chronic disease when you don’t care about anything and at the time, I didn’t care about doing what I needed to do. Thank you for writing this!
Allison, your strength and honesty is inspirational. I know others will read this and feel better about speaking up about their needs. You are, once again, a hero. Hugs!
I was diagnosed with depression several years ago. In this case it was at least partially due to my diabetes. So now I take what my mother loves to call “happy pills” and generally I’m doing just fine. I’ve found exercise helps with depression, though if you are depressed it’s kind of hard to get exercise.
If you’re a parent and one of your kids (with or without diabetes) has a mental illness, I’d strongly recommend visiting NAMI.org. They offer free evening classes that help you understand mental illness, the various medications and their side effects and what state resources are available to help you and your child.
Thank you for posting this. Another ingredient for depression is being a teenager. I know because I have one. Depression with Diabetes during teenage years should be taken very seriously. I am wondering if anyone has a list of psychiatrists in ther Bay Area who specialize in this particular combination?
Hey Allison, me too. Depression sucks, it just completely drains me of a drive to do anything. And when you combine that with diabetes, which is pretty draining in itself, and the fact that (for me) high BG makes me feel even more fatigued and non-driven, it’s a really terrible combination (despite the fact that in my case the depression was not caused by the diabetes).
I hope you are able to continue on this road to getting better. Thanks for the honest post.
I have had depression on/off for most of my life. I was dx w the D about 15 years ago. For me, the depression came first but I guarantee that neither one helps the other one. The combination can be deadly. You are right to seek help. This is a very good and important post. Thanks for publishing it.
Bravo, Allison! Your words help me understand the bouts with depression I’ve had. T-2 and I have been at odds with one another for several yrs. Still have trouble managing it well. Depression is debilitating, where D related or not, and word needs to get out via the Media concerning the threat depression brings to diabetics. Found this link on diabeticconnect.com… glad I did! Thanks huge!
I’m so relieved! I thot the depression bouts I’ve had were “just me” on another pity-poo. Thank you for the insight, the caring and the passion toward making diabetics aware of this. Your loss of Catlin is a biggie. You are a powerful influence and advocate. Thank you! I’ll be looking into DA, too. You have brought me hope.
Thanks for the timely word. I’m sorry about your friend, CaitIin. People who are depressed don’t have any clue about how much the people around them care, which makes coming along side them more difficult. I have struggled with depression all my life and it truly is “a lying bitch” or if you prefer (and I do) a “lying bastard.” For anyone else suffering, don’t allow ANYTHING to prevent you from getting help. Please tell someone. Let them see that you’re in trouble. I know many feel that showing weakness is not “manly.” Think of it this way: if your children were in trouble, would you want to know? How will you find out if they don’t tell you?
My sympathies to you and the family of your friend.
I was diagnosed Bipolar before I was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes. I have to say being diabetic does not help with mood swings.
This is one of the best posts you’ve written!
I hope that it will help more people find help if it’s needed.
Thanks for this post, Allison. My sister is a brittle diabetic and has suffered from depression too. I want to reach out to her all that I can but it is hard when I live far away. I’m so sorry for Caitlyn.
[...] post about PWD’s dealing with depression and overall mental health challenges. After reading Allison’s post on D’Mine, I was inspired to write [...]
Allison,
I was touched by reading your article. I am so sorry that your friend passed. I do understand how you feel because I was diagnosed a couple of years ago with severe depression. I tried 2 anti-depressants that made me feel even worse, so I couldn’t take the medicine. I am relying solely on God and great friends/family to help me. So far I’ve been doing much better, but I still seem to disregard checking my sugars like I KNOW I need to. . .
Thank you for your inspirational and uplifting story – there is a way to make it through all the “STUFF” that we diabetics face.
Very timely article – thanks so much – sometimes I feel as though I’m in a boat drifting through life and not having anywhere to anchor. Thanks to my loving husband and two awesome kids, I fight my way to shore everyday and realize my situation is better than so many people in this world – but then I still feel as if I’m drifting -
Great post
I appreciate your honest approach to talking about the reality of depression and it’s impact on your whole life. As a recently diagnosed type one who had a history of depression it was not surprising to see an increase in those symptoms add to that guilt that as a mental health professional I should have my stuff together. “Of course it was Diabetis” great post
Thanks Allison for your bravery and honesty in this post, which will help so many others to reach out and seek help without shame. I am sorry to hear about your friend Caitlin – she was fortunate to have a friend like you.
I’m sorry to hear or your personal struggles and I truly hope you are able to overcome them. That being said, I don’t think divulging the very personal details of Caitlin’s passing is fair to her grieving family at this very difficult time. As someone that grew up with Caitlin as a role model and friend I believe it is only her family’s business to share the details of her death if and when they are ready. Please show them the respect and privacy that they so desperately deserve and recognize how highly inappropriate posting this is. She just passed a month and a half ago give everyone the time and space they need, finding this on the internet was very upsetting. Not just to me but to her other friends that are trying to grieve as well.
I’m sorry to hear or your personal struggles and I truly hope you are able to overcome them. That being said, I don’t think divulging the very personal details of Caitlin’s passing is fair to her grieving family at this very difficult time. As someone that grew up with Caitlin as a role model and friend I believe it is only her family’s business to share the details of her death if and when they are ready. Please show them the respect and privacy that they so desperately deserve and recognize how highly inappropriate posting this is. She just passed a month and a half ago give everyone the time and space they need, finding this on the internet was very upsetting. Not just to me but to her other friends that are trying to grieve as well. There are so many other ways to honor the life of Caitlin.
a very good tip.also, i tend to find if i don’t hold that space for people to chngae, and i keep thinking about those pre-conceived notions, it causes them to become true more often than not. and i forget to let go of them ALOT ..so thanks for the reminder! hope you have a great day.
Thank you so much for validating my decision that my 13 year old son with T1D and depression should be taking the antidepressants he has been on for a few years now. The medication has made a world of difference. If your child with T1D has symptoms of depression, it is important as parents, that we take action. Life is fragile enough as it is…
Dear Allison,
I have been living with depression for five or more years. I have been living with type 1 diabetes for more than twenty years. Like you, my
depression is not related to diabetes. However, both are life-threatening.
I still have no partner, no job, and no structure in my life. I have only
my life. Bleak, wretched life. I have one summer event each year to look forward to. That is better than only having death to look forward to.
Yes, it is very sad story, of course depression is an evil demon I refuse to let it take control of my life, firstly, I have done some research on the subject, and can only conclude my own findings, it is true that many people suffer from depression with diabetes, but at the same time, it applies to people with other medical conditions or no underlying medical conditions, as far as I can see the depression regarding diabetes, I feel is in many cases, reactive depression, example, people becomming depressed due to their situation around them, firstly many diabetics do not work, they are declined to become involved in relationships due to their condition, and many feel they are discriminated against in general, firstly, lets look at the cause, many people living in poverty unable to live normal lives or socialise as freely as they would like, these conditions would make anyone depressed even if they did not have diabetes, diabetes does have a big impact on peoples lives both socially and economically, that,, there is no doub,t depression is on the increase in all areas of life, people fall into a pit they feel unable to get out of, and being diabetic incurs a lot of costs, they healthy people would be unaware of, all this does not help, of course overal depression is on the increase, many people loosing their jobs, or lower incomes, the buget projections for cost of depression is projected to reach 14.5 billion a year, the only advice I would try and give is through my own experience, is to try and let depression not rule your life, I know many of you may say, it’s easy for you to say, and I would see your point entirely, I think it is important to do things and keep your mind active, reading, finding some sort of contsructive hobbie, from my own personal point I do not think drugs are a good idear, I think the reasons and cause of depression need to be addressed, GP’s all to oftern just put people on drugs, which I feel do not resolve the problem root causes. I deal with this in my own way and it works for me, at the moment wordly things are not at thier best, I think all such issues play at part in the scheme of this!