Courage and diabetes. This seemed an excellent topic to revisit on the second-to-last Wednesday of Diabetes Awareness Month. (Not to mention that I saw Wicked over the weekend with my oldest daughter 
)
Other than that I believe this post, from early 2007, needs no special intro:
What Makes You Think I’m Brave?
It’s happened many times over, and again yesterday. I just don’t understand it, really. Some less-intimate friend or acquaintance catches me poking my finger to draw blood, and/or screwing a needle onto my insulin pen and stabbing myself in the stomach, and points out how very brave I am. What did you say?!
One certainly can find many colorful adjectives to describe me, but “brave” is not one of them. I am certifiably as Chicken-Shit as they come. I am the 
kid who never learned to ski properly because she was afraid of falling; the lousy volleyball player cowering in fear of being hit by the ball; the last kid to get picked for every softball, basketball, and nationball team growing up. I also startle easily, and cannot tolerate scary movies of any kind. Period.
So now I ended up with a chronic disease that requires frequent blood draws and self-injections (would have been the perfect “least-likely” scenario for our yearbook). I buck it up and do what I need to do to stay alive, stay healthy… Since when did survival instinct become synonymous with courage??
I suppose it’s meant as a compliment, but my urge is to retort by shouting at the top of my lungs: “And what would you do if it were you?! Do you think I actually have a CHOICE in the matter? What, in God’s name, makes you think I’m brave here?”
Just to clarify the issue, I looked it up. “Brave” means possessing great courage, making a fine appearance, or to defy, challenge or dare danger. So not me. So not the majority of us as we grapple with our diabetes, I daresay. What we’re doing is more like “muddling through” (defined, btw, as “to achieve a certain degree of success but without much skill, polish, experience, or direction”). That’s how it feels most days, anyway.
“Courage” is defined as “the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc., without fear.” Admirable, to be sure. But even though they tell us that managing your diabetes “is like brushing your teeth,” who among us doesn’t harbor those lurking fears of long-term damage? That sinking sensation that comes over us now and again that we just can’t do it for even one more day?
Upon second look, “courage” is also defined as “the state or quality of mind or spirit that enables one to face danger, fear, or vicissitudes with self-possession, confidence, and resolution.” OK, here’s where I see myself and many of my PWD pals a little more accurately defined. As my grandmother used to say, when things go sour, you can laugh, or you can cry. Continuous tears are not only a horrific downer, but they get in the way of the actions you need to take to thrive with this disease. Therefore, many of us have simply shifted into a fierce, uncompromising survival mode. We refuse to give up. You call that bravery?
Go ahead, call it whatever you like. Just don’t look at me with that “I-could-never-do-that-myself” wonder in your eyes. Because you could. You would. Believe me. It’s like brushing your teeth (with something made of sharp metal?) but with your life dependent on it.
YES!!! YES!!! I am always told how ‘strong’ I am for have three t1 sons. But I am everything you said and more. No bravery…only a mother surviving the best way she can. A muddler through and through! Thank you for this. You totally made my day!
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Great Post! Courage is standing up to your fear, not necessarily conquering it. You don’t even “get used” to the pokes and sticks. . I still flinch when I push that button. But, I buck up and take it because it’s better than the alternative.
This post expresses so many of my own thoughts. Besides hearing it from random people I also hear parents say these kinds of statements about their own children and it upsets me even though I know they are doing their best. I have heard many parents of a diabetic say that their child is a hero and as much as I can see it is said out of love it makes me cringe.
It’s funny you chose this post for Wayback Wednesday – because I had almost the exact conversation with one of my ballroom teachers last night. He actually said that infamous like “I could never give myself needles”. I tried to explain that when the choice is needles or death, a person if likely to do what they have to.
I haven’t written my post yet for today. Thanks for giving me a great topic idea!!
I remember when a gestational diabetic was saying that she could not stand shots. She asked how I could do it all the time. This gestational diabetic also called her endo the “sugar” doctor. It just about made me scream. Lady…you want to protect your baby you do what you have to and don’t complain. Just think…you could be me and have to inject many times a day. Needless to say…I did not offer much sympathy over her visits to the
sugar doctor. Yuk!!
Truly a positive outlook! This is quite possibly the most positive article I’ve read in my 29 years with T1 diabetes! Love the sentiment, and love you for it…thanks again Amy!
I can’t agree more! I always hate when people say “I couldn’t do that.” Even when I was a kid my mom said I never cried or tried to escape my insulin injections. I knew that they made me feel better. Unless you enjoy puking your guts out and dealing with and unquenchable thirst until you die… then you will learn to deal with the needles.
This is so true! I know people are trying to be sympathetic when they say things like this about how courageous I am or how they could never do it. But all I want to say is that if they felt how I felt pre-diagnosis, they would gladly take the pain. And it’s amazing how shots and finger sticks become bearable when the alternative is a slow, painful death.
My experience has been quite the opposite… On August. 18th, 2008 I was diagnosed with T2 at 47 years old. Now, over 1 year later , 6 or 7 different diabetes medications that made me violently ill, twenty-five pounds that I have lost and gained,due to the med changes, I have finally been diagnosed with T1.LADA.I eat virtually 2 -3 cups of vegetables which are my carbs for the day and work out vigorously 5-6 times daily. Despite my efforts, I still canNOT lose the 25 pounds I need to. Despite my insulin therapy, I still don’t always have the energy I had 5 years ago. Yes…I feel brave and I feel like my friends and family take this for granted.They are not always supportive.As a matter of fact,I have been made to feel that may be I do not do enough or else my BG numbers would always be low, my weight would be better if I ate less ( hardly possible.) True, I feel I have no choice but to take these measures for my own health, however I do feel Brave and wish someone in my circle acknowledged it!!!!
A diabetic friend of mine suggested I read your blog after I had a bitch session. Kudos to you. I have MS (23 yrs.), so yeah its stinks having a chronic disease, what are the alternatives? My father said “not everyone gets a good hand.” Courage to me is that one day there will be a cure so why wouldn’t one continue to be a proactive participant in managing their health while they are alive. As a counselor I tell my clients – Life…you can watch it, wear it, or live it!”
I loved this post back then, and I love it again now.