My D-blogger friend and intermittent correspondent Allison Blass has been living with diabetes since she was 8 years old. It’s pretty much all she knows. She copes with it her way, and strives to let others do the same. That’s why, this week, she’s musing on the theme of respecting each others’ choices in this diabetic life.
A Guest Post by Allison Blass
A few weeks ago, I announced that I was hosting a party for World Diabetes Day. But not just any party — a pizza party. With cake. When I first announced it, I had a lot of people spread the word about what I was doing and I had great feedback. Everyone was excited that I was doing something fun and social for World Diabetes Day, and they were excited to be able to spend the day with others with diabetes.
A few days before the party, I sent out an additional invitation to a meet-up group of people with diabetes, letting them know that I was hosting an event, bringing pizza and cake, and that they were welcome to bring food as well. Immediately, I began getting responses from people who were shocked and even disgusted that I could possibly even think of bringing pizza and cake to event for people with diabetes.
Honestly, I was more surprised than insulted. I have had type 1 diabetes for almost 16 years, and I’ve never had anyone tell me I could not under any circumstances enjoy pizza and cake. I have also spent quite a bit of time with people with diabetes, most of these events taking place at restaurants or in a place where food was served. I know of many other people with diabetes who ate desserts and high-carb foods. Maybe not all the time, but certainly occasionally. I also know that there are people who try to avoid temptation, and that’s why I welcomed people to bring additional items (like veggies and dip) to even out the menu. As the conversation about this progressed, many people said that this was a great “learning opportunity,” and that many people who are on insulin pumps do in fact utilize their dual-wave bolus function.
Then I received an email from a friend of mine who simply said, “I wonder why PWDs become so defensive about their different methods of diabetes management.”
Good question.
As a blogger, I spend quite a bit of my free time talking about what I do in my diabetes management, and why I do it. I share information about pumps, CGMs, testing, food, diabetes in schools, diabetes in relationships, diabetes and travel and how to not go absolutely bonkers. After having diabetes for 16 years, I have developed my own personal preferences towards diabetes management. And it’s very easy to get defensive over what we have chosen, and maybe a little too forceful in our encouragement of one thing over another.
While I want to encourage the best treatment possible for people with diabetes, I also want to encourage people to remember that everyone is different and we all have our own unique preferences and experiences. Some of us like to eat carbohydrates, and others prefer lower-carb fare. Some of us prefer tubing over tubeless pumps. Some of us prefer using a Minimed CGM over using a DexCom. And don’t get me started about the Lantus versus pump war. More than one person has actually told me they “still used” Lantus, with a twinge of shame in their voice. However you do it, managing your diabetes should never be shameful!
Have a little respect for how someone else does things. If it works for them, be happy for them! And if they are doing something different or something that you wouldn’t prefer, don’t diss ‘em.
Remember, we all need to stick together! (No pun intended…)
btw, we still had fun at the party – pizza and all!
Great post! Defenses are raised when another judges us with ignorance and misunderstanding. And who amongst us likes being judged anyway, right or wrong?
Yea for pizza and pie and everything else! I am in my 45th year living with the D and I eat everything (in moderation). As I head into my 55th birthday, I find myself healthier than alot of others without the D and I still get the food police and others passing judgement! It blows my mind sometimes and I always try to gently inform them of their misguided notions about what I can and cannot eat or do, etc.
Touche to that! I loved your post. It is so important to respect people and their ways. People need more tolerance!
Since this blog is about Diabetes. I wanted to share an article about Green tea. It is related to my grandpa, who suffered from Diabetes too.
http://bit.ly/11CUAs
It took me awhile to understand how pizza was metabolized by MY body. Through trial and error ( I was a human guinea pig for over a year ) I discovered that I could use no more than 6 units of Novolog without suffering major hypoglycemia. That limited me to about two slices of pizza which I sometime enjoy with a cold brew.
Shots work for me. Pumps work for others. In the end … it all works.
As Spock would say: “Infinity diversity in infinite combinations”.
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/1/19/STVulcanIDIC.jpg
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To date, I’ve yet to meet a person with diabetes that has learned to control their blood glucose levels perfectly. We all make mistakes, and we all experience those incredibly frustrating highs and lows that are as unexplainable as the success of the 1985 sitcom “Alf.”
And in comes the projection. When we see other people with diabetes doing things that we, ourselves, think is improper, we like to project our self-criticism onto others. It’s easier to tell you, Allison, that your pizza party is a bad idea than it is to tell myself I need to get serious about carb counting.
It’s really done out of love. We’re a huge dysfunctional family.
Great post, Allison. Both diabetics and non-diabetics need to understand that we know our our bodies, and how to take care of them, and outside criticism does nothing to change the choices we make. That it’s as rude to tell us how to control our disease as it would be to tell someone to lose weight.
I wonder if the criticism you got was for not realizing most t2′s wouldn’t be able to eat the pizza/cake? Do you know if they were t1 or t2? Regardless, to criticize you was ridiculous, when you were doing something so sweet (pun not intended) for the d-community. If I’d been able to go, I probably would’ve brought my own food anyway, since (bc of the high-carb/high-fat) pizza is one of the few foods I can’t eat…Why couldn’t they just suck it up and bring their own sandwich rather than criticizing you for bringing food some of the group couldn’t eat? Absolutely ridiculous.
Anyway, this post is almost an extension of the issues we all see from our families frowning at the choices we make, without understanding that we who manage our disease perfectly well every day without their input. (For 37 years in my case, and I’m still getting that from my family.) Interesting that you’ve brought a different perspective to this. Nobody can be harder on a diabetic than other diabetics…
I had someone tell me something once that I thought was pretty brilliant:
Diabetes is a balance between management and quality of life.
Basically it is up to every individual how he/she balances their life and where the line is drawn.
Sure I know greasy, fatty pizza will make my BGs a little wacky for a few hours but I will learn to deal with it because a life without pizza clearly isn’t much a life in my opinion. Hahaha.
Allison, it was a fun gathering, I have to agree. Thanks for arranging it and that cake was awesome once I got my bg down low enough to eat it. I too rarely get to spend time with other diabetics and I certainly had a good time meeting everyone there and trading stories and just hanging out. Although I could sense the struggle behind it all for each person I talked with, there was so much strength and practicality and positive energy from everyone there.
I think that it’s not just diabetics that trigger each other when it comes to dietary preferences, I think that diet itself triggers people in a very deep place. Think of how organic people look down their noses at those who are willing to eat “normal” produce, not to mention the occasional big mac, look at how vegetarians won’t even cook on a pan that once held even organic meat, look at how vegans hold even vegetarians responsible for the evils of the world because they eat cheese and eggs, and don’t even get me started about raw foodists.
Actually, do get me started about raw foodists….a friend of mine who is a Dietary Councelor” posted something about the documentary “Simply Raw” in commemoration of World Diabetes Day, in which he said, and I quote:
“now don’t get me wrong! Insulin is an absolutely
amazing thing that has saved countless lives, but
it’s not something you want to use regularly.”
(The claim is that eating a raw and living foods diet can actually reverse insulin dependency and “cure” diabetes. Hmmmmm.)
Talk about being triggered. I replied with the diatribe of all diatribes. I’ve been an insulin dependent type one diabetic for 31 years. I remember when we still tried to control our bg by testing our urine. I’ve had more dramatic low blood sugar close calls than I care to mention. I fully realize that insulin is not something I “want to use regularly”
We did reconcile eventually. He’s well meaning, and his diet does seem to keep him one healthy and strong mofo. I might even try it some day if I can find the time, or maybe if I can ever afford it I’ll hire him as my full time chef to follow me around with a portable juicer in tow.
As long as he can make some version of A.Raw food pizza, B. Raw food chocolate cake and C. Raw food dark brew of some sort
Jay
p.s. I’m that little guy with the glasses squatting in the front of the picture
still on lantus, humalog, and syringes, not ashamed of it, but proud of my consistent 5.9ish a1c ranges!!!!
cheers
It
Allison you have a great blog and provides great educational information to those suffering from diabetes. Please keep up the spirit!
I’m glad you wrote this post, and I can certainly identify. People see me eating certain things every once in awhile and want to give me a speech when they know absolutely nothing about how diabetes works. We can’t be perfect every moment of every day, and it’s great to have a few times when we can open up and just have fun like everyone else.
However, I will say that when you go to sites such as Dlife or the ADA site, they certainly seem to have taken any fun out of eating or doing most anything else. I manage my way, and if those ways ever fail, then I’ll follow theirs to the letter.
Pizza; mmmmmm,…
I’ve had type 2 for a little over a year, and have discovered that everyone is different in their diabetes. I can eat 2 slices of pizza and my glucose will be ok, but a sweet potato, which my doctor said should be ok in small amounts, will bring me way up if I even get too close to one.
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Allison, you wrote about such a good point, you inspired me to write about it too and share how I recently experienced the same judgments flying around a brunch table, “Why do you want me to eat like you? http://www.diabetesstories.com/stories_blog/why_do_you_want_me_to_eat_l.html
What a great post and point Allison. We are all so different. We need to work harder to respect what people decide works for them.
Well said Colleen and a great article Allison.
I can’t do pizza – it hates me, no matter what I’ve tried so far, but I’ve got the cake down pat. I decided long ago that it was quality of life over eating like a rabbit, and as long as HbA1c is ok and my daily BGs don’t swing wildly and uncontrollably (and yeah sometimes they do), then everything else is ok. That works for me.
After 30 years, I’ve had the, “should you be eating that?” a few times. I just tell them – do you want to hear why I can? Up to them after that. And yes, definitely, it’s everyone’s choice how they manage their diabetes – even if they’re managing badly, if don’t have enough info and want to improve things – they can always find it. Not anyone’s job to be judgemental.
[...] you missed my guest post on DiabetesMine.com, check it out! I’m talking about how we all need to give each other a little [...]