13 Responses

  1. The Talk, Part 2: Community Thoughts on Relationships | Pro Health News

    [...] the original:  The Talk, Part 2: Community Thoughts on Relationships  Mail this post Tagged as: diabetes community, diabetes-nuggets, Health, love diabetes, [...]

  2. Lee Ann Thill
    Lee Ann Thill January 29, 2009 at 11:58 am | | Reply

    Jason didn’t really know anything about D when we started seeing each other. He knew I had it from square one, but the education and understanding was slow, and I would say he’s still learning, 6+ years later. He wasn’t intellectually interested, but I think that’s because he didn’t realize how complicated it really is. I don’t think there’s any inherent benefit to giving someone all the intellectual stuff upfront. If they seek it out, that’s just because that’s how they cope (I had a BF like that in my 20′s), but in the end, I don’t necessarily think that’s a good gauge of their interest in your well-being or ability to empathize. The real education comes from experiencing it, and that takes time. It’s like giving your new SO an autobiography, and expecting him to truly know and understand you from that. Maybe he’d have some new information and insight, but no one really knows anyone unless they’ve spent lots of time with them under all kinds of different circumstances. Living with diabetes is so immensely complex and layered, to know what it means to live with it requires actually living with it. No one expects a newly diagnosed family to take home their books and pamphlets and after having read all that, actually ‘get it’. They live with it, go through the anger, denial, etc., and in time, they understand it. It’s not something you can rush, people get their on their own timetables. It’s no different for an SO.

  3. 25 Things and a Guest Post « Lemonade Life

    [...] wrote a follow-up guest postt o the one on relationships that I wrote at DiabetesMine last week. I received a lot of wonderful [...]

  4. riva
    riva January 29, 2009 at 3:47 pm | | Reply

    I wrote a story a few years ago about hardly ever telling dates or friends about my diabetes until I began to date the man I married.
    We’ve been married seven years now and he’s learned a ton, tested his own blood sugar to see what it’s like and supports me at every turn. Like everything else in life, trust your gut how much to divulge and when, and all the cues you pick up from the one you’re with. And maybe you’ll get a chuckle out of my story:

  5. Scott K. Johnson
    Scott K. Johnson January 29, 2009 at 3:59 pm | | Reply

    I love Laura’s take on it. Couldn’t be better said.

  6. xim1970
    xim1970 January 30, 2009 at 1:00 am | | Reply

    “Getting bogged down with the details of diabetes may distract your significant other with how totally AWESOME you are ? and who wants that?”
    You hit the nail on the head with that one Allison…and that’s why it’s MY disease/problem/fact of life (choose your terminology). All I ask of my partners is to understand that I may ask for help once in a while (this is probably “standard operating procedures” for other people, but for me, having diabetes has distanced me from people in the past, because I believed that no one could understand how complicated this disease can be (exercise, food, eating at irregular times, long-acting insulin, fast-acting insulin, unpredictability of daily activities). At some point, we all will find our mate, and that person will be willing to help us…not “take control”, not “not care”, but will help and support, and know when to let us take care of ourselves.

  7. Kathy Cook
    Kathy Cook January 30, 2009 at 11:15 pm | | Reply

    I thought that this was refreshing. While I don’t have a significant other, it’s always good to know how other people manage these kinds of problems.

    Thanks for sharing.

  8. Lauren
    Lauren February 2, 2009 at 7:46 pm | | Reply

    Diabetes is my problem, not my partner’s. When it comes down to it I’m alone in this thing — it’s my burden and my responsibility. If I could do it all again, I would keep my mouth shut and give my partner only the bare minimum information. But we’d been together 6+ years when I was diagnosed and the shock of becoming a type 1 diabetic in my twenties led me to prattle on about the various horrors of complications, etc.

    I found out only after my grandmother’s death that she was an insulin-dependent diabetic for most of her adult life — she kept it very private. Her kids didn’t know how serious it was, they thought it was “a touch of sugar” as they used to say. I’d follow her example and choose to keep it private if I could go back and change things.

  9. Laura G.
    Laura G. February 2, 2009 at 10:03 pm | | Reply

    Lauren, well said–it’s our problem and our responsibility indeed. I do think keeping that line very clearly drawn helps our relationships stay balanced and fair. However, I also think it’s best to have my partner, close friends and family have some idea of how I feel and what makes me tick, just as I want to understand them, so over the years I’ve come to share and teach and allow myself to be seen a little more than I did in my younger relationships twenty years ago. I’m trying to find a balance which is both self-reliant and truthful.

  10. rob
    rob February 9, 2009 at 2:56 pm | | Reply

    About 30 years ago, I met the most wonderful woman at Joslin Diabetes Clinic, of all places. She lived in Ohio, me in Boston. We both had Type 1 diabetes, and both were on insulin pumps, which back then were the size of a Daniel Steele novel.

    So, I fly out to Ohio to spend the week with her. Being the 20 year olds that we were, love turned physical, in her parents house. Suddenly, I had to get up out of bed to use the facilities. I grabbed the nearest insulin pump, and ran out. Needless to say, I grabbed her pump instead of mine. I ripped the infusion set out her stomach, and blood squirted everywhere. I don’t know if her mother ever figured out how everything got blood all over it.

    I don’t know what happened to her, but I still laugh at this today. This is true love (and humour) that only another person with diabetes would understand!

  11. Danielle
    Danielle February 26, 2009 at 10:52 am | | Reply

    I am married and was diagnosed last year. It was tough going for a while but now I am getting the hang of things. Unfortunately, my husband is very fearful of the big D and doesn’t talk about it. I also have thyroid disease and should have known he would be no better talking about diabetes than he was talking about my thyroiditis. Some people just can’t face the illness head on. I am lucky to have girlfriends watching out for me. I have to accept my lot in life and accept that I married a partner who will read the info but never speak of it. I can’t change his coping style, I can change my reaction to it.

  12. Gail Leach
    Gail Leach April 21, 2010 at 10:25 am | | Reply

    I’ve had Type I diabetes for 41 years, and in January went on the OmniPod insulin pump. Love it. My A1C was 6.9 this time and with
    more experience, I know it will be lower next test.
    Heres my problem. My partner of 8 years know about the diabetes, goes to the Dr. with me, and has saved my butt several times when I was so low I couldn’t help myself. But lately he gets so mad when it happen he starts yelling “You’re not taking care of yourself again” and tosses me an oj to drink. After that he storms around with the worse attitude ever.
    I know he’s frustrated and I try to explain I’m still trying to adjust to my pump, finding the right settings to handle an active day and a slow day. I test my blood almost 10 times a day to be sure that I’m in a normal range. Before the pump I only tested 3/4 times a day and took two shots of Reg and NPH a day.
    He doesn’t seem to realize that adjustment takes a little time and having a low is no fun for me either. Please can someone tell me how to handle this situation. I think he may want to end our relationship because of my diabetes. And quite frankly, if he can’t handle my diabetes, perhaps that would be best. Anyone out there have any suggestions?????

  13. 25 Things and a Guest Post | Lemonade Life

    [...] wrote a follow-up guest postt o the one on relationships that I wrote at DiabetesMine last week. I received a lot of wonderful [...]

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