21 Responses

  1. Scott K. Johnson
    Scott K. Johnson January 30, 2009 at 6:23 am | | Reply

    Great post Amy. As I said in Lee Ann’s post, the only people I’ve ever heard talking about detaching emotionally from the numbers are people who don’t have diabetes.

  2. kassie
    kassie January 30, 2009 at 6:58 am | | Reply

    We need a new book, “Feel Like a Pancreas”. I’m pretty sure that lump of an organ doesn’t feel guilt :)

  3. Penny
    Penny January 30, 2009 at 7:06 am | | Reply

    Amy,
    This was a great post. It put into words what I’ve been feeling lately. What with basketball games, a high school senior getting ready for graduation and college, a household, a family to feed, a full time job, and a 6 year old with diabetes I feel like I’m doing just enough of each to get by. It’s very, very frustrating.

    Because of it you can pile guilt on top of all the emotions I’ve been having lately. Why? My oldest’s senior year is speeding by and I feel like I can’t give him the attention he fully deserves. And, when I can’t devote myself to Riley’s sugars 100% I feel guilty for what it’s doing to him.

  4. Sara
    Sara January 30, 2009 at 8:14 am | | Reply

    I love Kassie’s comment! LOL!

  5. kelly k
    kelly k January 30, 2009 at 8:36 am | | Reply

    I can’t say I’ve learned to detach from my b.s numbers completely and yes, guilt regarding them still rears its ugly head – a lot. I try and be really factual regarding how I got them and then I talk myself down off the high blood sugar ledge. Like, If my numbers are high after a pasta salad/cheese fest, I say (and usually in a far from calm voice,) “Well OK Kel, you did eat some pasta salad – this is not a shocker, just correct for it, NOW.”
    Then the blood sugar countdown begins – and I remind myself to breathe deep.
    We are imperfect people in an imperfect world, as diabetics at least we can keep track of our imperfect numbers and aim to make them acceptable.
    So…we got that going for us!
    k2

  6. Strawberry
    Strawberry January 30, 2009 at 8:41 am | | Reply

    I’m with Kassie – that’s awesome! This has got to be my biggest challenge with this disease… I’m so hard on myself. It’s been over 4 years since diagnosis, but I still haven’t learned how to detach myself emotionally from the BG numbers. It’s so frustrating to know I’m trying harder than I’ve ever tried (planning for pregnancy after all), and the gains are so small and so slow!!
    I’ll check back to see if anyone has any bright ideas!

  7. CALpumper
    CALpumper January 30, 2009 at 9:36 am | | Reply

    Going on my 24th year with T1.
    I would welcome bright ideas too. ;-)

    Although in my particular situation I just recently started being open with others about my T1. And I mean Open. Which opens the door to judgment, IF we let it. And at first, I did. Not open-heartedly for sure but I let it creep into my subconscious. Now I am working on letting it go.

    As you say Amy, who is to judge?
    Diabetes is such an individual chronic illness. No one thing works for everyone. It’s hard for those “healthy” people out there to grasp that notion. It can even be hard for those living with the chronic illness. We all would like a simple, quick, painless solution for all. Like wishing for peace on earth, it is far-fetched.

    So how do we detach?
    We are human so it is surely difficult.
    I like to say, it it works, work it. If it’s not hurting you or others, go for it.
    From day one of diagnosis, numbers, formulas and dangers are thrown at us, reminders constantly twirling around each and every prick, every drop of blood, every morsel of food, every carb count, every bolus, every motion and emotion.
    Every day.
    All day.
    So again, how could we possibly detach ourselves when we are forced to pay attention, be aware, at all times?

    I don’t know. I am still trying. And I won’t give up.
    But to each their own, as it should be.

    This disease can be consuming, we don’t get a vacation from it for even a minute. We are constantly searching for balance while manually trying to be a pancreas.

    As they say, one day at a time. It’s all we Can do.

  8. Meg
    Meg January 30, 2009 at 9:59 am | | Reply

    How can you detach yourself emotionally from your BG numbers? For me the answer has been TIME. Years actually.

    I’ve found that the longer I have diabetes the less pressure I feel to be “perfect”. I’ve accepted that my BG numbers really are just information. When I was pregnant, I came as close as possible to perfection, but that was only by concentrating on diabetes practically every minute of every day. And really living on the edge of hypoglycemia. Unsustainable for the long run. You have to live your life and just go with numbers. If you have a healthy lifestyle, you can’t feel guilty about the unexplained highs and lows. However, I do believe It’s a cruel myth that you can do whatever you want and eat whatever you want and still control your BG – pumps and CGMs don’t work miracles. Maybe a lot of the frustration comes from the perception that you can have it all?

  9. Jolie
    Jolie January 30, 2009 at 10:43 am | | Reply

    I detached from my BG numbers for about 2 years, but then I was living in a complete state of denial about my diabetes. So, I won’t be doing that again! Love your post. Although I hate that you are going through all that, it does help to know that others are experiencing exactly the same things I am going through. Love the nuggets e-book too!

  10. Bennet
    Bennet January 30, 2009 at 11:11 am | | Reply

    Hey Amy, see http://ydmv.blogspot.com/2009/01/heroes.html and read Amy evry place it says Kerri. Love Ya / Mean It.

  11. Lauren
    Lauren January 30, 2009 at 3:51 pm | | Reply

    For me it’s not guilt but fear. Fear of not living as long, and of having a poor quality of life, because I don’t control my glucose. I have seen enough patients with the horrific consequences of so-so glucose management that I know I don’t want that life. Disability and early death? No thanks. I am fortunate because I have the opportunity to prevent that outcome. And I don’t believe that tight control is unsustainable “in the long run.”

  12. Aaron
    Aaron January 30, 2009 at 5:11 pm | | Reply

    This post definitely resonates with me. What I particularly hate is when I make extra efforts to be good (like a long strenuous workout) only to have it backfire with a roller coaster of lows and highs afterward.

    Probably a dose of gratitude for the complications you _don’t_ have would be a good antidote for the judgments? Maybe?

  13. Jan
    Jan January 31, 2009 at 9:25 am | | Reply

    Numbers consistently in the 140s, even 150s, you are doing a really great job! If you know you can do better, you can strive for that, but I think you are being too hard on yourself. I have found when her meter consistently reads in the 150s, her A1c is in the low sixes, even high fives. In other words, her meter sports a higher number than her A1c actually is. Yes, she has lows, but no more than she has always had since dx. You may be surprised to find your A1c in the 5 or low 6 range.

  14. Windy
    Windy January 31, 2009 at 12:20 pm | | Reply

    It seems as if we can all relate. I don’t think there is a concrete answer for this question, and I think at one point or another we ALL have our days where diabetes doesn’t make the priority “to do” list. That’s why this community is so important. It keeps us accountable, but also lets us know, “Thank God I’m not alone in feeling this way!”

  15. Jamie
    Jamie February 1, 2009 at 9:25 am | | Reply

    I am so glad I have found this blog… I have been looking for some kind of a support group for a while! :)
    I’ve had T1 for almost 20 years now (omg), and blood sugar readings totally are emotional for me! My fear, on top of the horrible consequences possibly waiting for me, is that this disease should rule my life! I do not want to be 1) a T1, and *then 2) Jamie. I refuse to be ruled by my diabetes! But then this might be something I should go see my counselor for :)
    After 20 years of diabetes, I am fearful on complications. I don’t always have great control, and I’m worried that my husband will have to take care of decrepid me :( Especially after having just read the diabetics are 1.5x more likely to have dementia!! Ugh.
    Amy, I don’t know about you and your doctor, but I know that my doctor and I are aiming to have my A1C at about 6.5 or so – we’d be ecstatic over that, though that’s my personal control goal. From my understanding, that’s pretty close to “normal”.
    Good luck anyways :)

  16. dan 2
    dan 2 February 1, 2009 at 1:05 pm | | Reply

    Thanks for a honest thought and feeling.
    I have lived through no numbers and the current period of a large volume of numbers. Sometimes this is a guessing game. Is it the food or lack of food or a change in eating patterns? Is it exercise or lack of exercise or a change in exercising patterns. Dealing with the temperatures in single digets and ten inches of snow with the clean up does bring a unique set of numbers. Taking blood samples from cold fingers is so much fun! Is it the insulin and delivery, the lack of insulin and delivery or a change in the potency of the insulin? All of the above are external items that we all attempt to balance as we travel through our lives. The final variable is our own bodies. How we feel, what is on our mind and the stresses and strains contained within our internal bodies. The numbers are a compass point and when necessary may need an adjustment to take action. Adding a deep breath and quick prayer can do wonders. Hope this helps and have a great day.

    D2

  17. Diane
    Diane February 2, 2009 at 8:29 pm | | Reply

    Boy, can’t we all relate to this article?! So true that we’re constantly in a state of “guilt” if we’re not “perfect” – always feeling the need to do better…be perfect….where our BS readings are concerned. But we are a very busy society, for the most part. It’s pretty nearly impossible to do it all and do it all “perfectly”. But that doesn’t mean we don’t keep trying. Great article.

  18. CMPA
    CMPA February 4, 2009 at 7:23 am | | Reply

    what a inspiring post, I love your work amy.. very inspiring.

  19. Call Me Ishtar
    Call Me Ishtar February 4, 2009 at 4:02 pm | | Reply

    I’m afraid I’ll have to be the naysayer here. Usually I’m a gentle and compassionate soul, but I have to tell you, it annoys me no end when T1s complain about numbers that run consistently in the 140s, which, as you admit, translates to an A1c of less than 6.4. Have you ANY idea how many people would be thrilled with such numbers?! Clearly not.

    My T1 was diagnosed more than 50 years ago, and i’ve been pumping for almost 15 years. I still struggle, often, with the challenges and heartbreaks and frustrations and huge fears of this disease.

    But if my numbers were as consistent as yours, Amy, especially in light of all the other things you’re accomplishing in your life, I’m thinking I’d be taking a moment to thank my lucky stars (and my own hard work and perseverance) for doing so well, instead of beating myself up over something that is so clearly not worthy of beat-up-ableness.

    Frankly, when I read this:

    “A quick look at my meter averages doesn?t paint a very pretty picture: 14-day average = 142, 30-day average = 149, 60-day average = 148. If you go by the charts, that?s still an A1c of under 6.4, but daily averages in the 140?s are still crap in my book. I know I can do better if I?d only ‘apply myself.’”

    my immediate reaction is, “Get over it. You’re doing great. Get back to me when you start having real problems. In the meantime, perhaps you should seek help more for your Type A obsessions than for your diabetes.”

    You ask, “Who is to judge?” The answer is that people will judge you as a reflection of the way you judge yourself. Other people’s judgments (a pejorative term, after all, at least here) can have no negative affect on you if you refuse to let them, and if you are secure in the notion that you’re doing the best you can under the circumstances.

  20. diabetes diplomas
    diabetes diplomas February 5, 2009 at 4:57 am | | Reply

    How to control the diabetes?
    Which of the ways are the best : Life style habits, Tablets, Insulin injection.. Best routine plan for diabetic patient and varieties of food person can enjoy even with diabetic.

  21. Lauren
    Lauren February 11, 2009 at 9:43 pm | | Reply

    What is the lowest blood sugar you have ever encountered? My roommate came in today and saw that I was “out of it,” so she gave me 2 cups of orange juice. About 10 minutes later, she checked my blood and it was 22. I think it was in the single digits or teens. My hypoglycemia episodes are scary and I am praying for a CGM. I do not know what to do about such lows, but a similar episode happened on Sunday when I did not wake up until 11am and my blood was about 30. Just wondering how low other people get?

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