I read other PWD’s blogs, and they always seem like they have it so together. But then again, when fellow diabetics meet me in person, they seem to think I have it all figured out, too. Closer to the truth is probably that we’re all just taking it day by day. And man, do I stray sometimes:
Sometimes I don’t test for HOURS after I eat. I just lose track of time. Or I can’t be bothered stopping whatever all-important thing I’m doing to get the out the gear and do what I know I should.
I don’t carry around backup insulin. I did tote around a vial of Apidra for a few weeks one time, and It went bad, so that turned me off. Now I just carry a single syringe in my OmniPod case, with the vague idea that if the Pod fails while I’m out and about, I could draw up the insulin out of the defunct Pod. I really need to test that theory empirically soon.
I never eat bread, but every once in a while I snarf up almost an entire bag of Quaker cheddar rice cake snacks — to the tune of at least 75g carbs in one sitting. Yipes! My B-A-D. (And to think that most folk consider rice cakes “diet food”…)
I put off getting my lipid panel test for up to two months sometimes, because I can’t stand the fasting thing. Not eating breakfast before I leave the house makes me feel weak and off-the-scales cranky. Thankfully, my hubby’s willing to make it a “lab date” and take me out to breakfast afterwards. I hereby apologize for everything that happens before we hit the café, Honey.
On good BG days, I often push the bolus wizard button on pump just for the satisfaction of seeing the “00 Units Recommended” message. Haha!
On bad BG days, I often think, “Oh, what the Hell?” and I indulge in “taboo” foods like a big bowl of frozen yogurt or a nice chewy granola bar chock full of raisins. (What?! I’m messed up already, aren’t I?)
When I go on hikes, often I take along glucose tablets only. That means I even leave my meter behind, which in my case is also my insulin pump controller — which would freak out many a tethered insulin pumper, I know. But sometimes one just NEEDS to be hands-free and medgadget-free. At least for a few hours.
I walk barefoot around the house (in warm weather) and I rarely check my feet for injuries. Luckily, my City-Gal feet are so delicate that I could probably feel a single flax seed in my shoe. I also like purty shoes, the kind that aren’t necessarily D-friendly.
So am I still a “good diabetic”? Yes, I think so. Am I a perfect? Um, noooo. A control freak at heart, diabetes has clearly helped me to wean myself off the more neurotic strain of perfectionism. Hopefully I’m morphing into the good kind of perfectionist — one little diabetes defiance at a time.
Hats off to you for your “confessions”! We all need to be more honest with one another.
Me, I blow off exercising more than I should…I used to be a pretty regular biking buff, now it’s all I can do to take a 3-mile walk. Phew
I’m actually thrilled you listed all these things which proves you are human!Occasionally I get the impression that you are keeping yourself hostage in diabetic restraints. Glad to see you aren’t owned 24/7 by the D.
Well said Amy.
No one is perfect. And with the big D it is just impossible.
Continue being you, it’s what your family, friends and the D-OC love most.
I ruined an entire bottle of Humalog once in an effort to be a good diabetic. Now I try to carry a syringe, and I was very grateful to have that back-up with me one day this past week… but that’s blog fodder for next week
I read your true confessions nodding at almost every one. Been there done that… and I could go on… and on…
When I am having a “bad” day, I definitely opt for eating WHATEVER I want. I bolus, but I eat whatever I want (chocolate.
When I was first diagnosed, I would declare “non-diabetic” days when I ate all the things that I “shouldn’t” and just bolused every few hours. I loved those days. Since then, my rebellions have become less dramatic, but they are still there!
I hope my message to others through my blog, articles in Diabetes Health magazine and books as a patient-expert, like you Amy, is that we can live a good life not despite having diabetes but because of it; we can find something in having diabetes that has become a valuable piece of who we are. That said, I’m no Pollyanna. I struggle every day like everyone else to balance a “life” and my “diabetes life.”
I remember being struck when you and I went for a glass of wine how much paraphernalia you carry. I carry my insulin and a syringe. Period. When I’m out, I don’t test. I consider it “vacation time.” I recently switched to Apidra from Humalog and now I have to inject after a meal instead of before. There are times I see my syringe lying about a half hour after I’ve eaten and can’t quite remember if I took my dose or not. If I open a bottle of wine, my greedy sweet tooth emerges and will not quiet until I satisfy it. With everything available.
We are not, nor can we be, nor should we be– perfect. In fact, I remember saying to my fiance, now my husband, perfect people (and I suffer from perfection) are hard to love, they show no vulnerability.
Living with diabetes, particularly type 1, is like walking along the high wire. You try your best to stay balanced, at times veer off, and hopefully get your act back together before any repercussions can assault you. When you think about it, how could anyone expect living with an illness every day of the rest of your life that demands your constant attention and best behavior is doable? Live, forgive and do your best. That’s it, except extend the same kindness to yourself you would to your dearest friend.
I LOVED YOUR ARTICAL THE MORE HONEST WE ARE WITH OURSELVES AND OTHERS IS HOW WE GET THREW THE GOOD DAYS AND BAD DAYS! IVE HAD DIABETIS SINCE 2001 AND AT FIRST IT SCAQRED THE HELL OUT OF ME I WENT THREW THE DENIAL STAGE, THREW OUT EVERYTHING IN MY CUBBARDS AND THEN I DECIDED I NEED TO GET MORE INFO ON THE DISEASE AND NOW YOU CAN SAY I LOVE READING ABOUT ANYTHING TO DO WITH HEALTH AND IT MOTIVATES ME TO STAY ON TRACK! BUT I DO HAVE TIMES WHEN I WANT TO SLIP AND HAVE THE THINGS THAT I SHOULDNT HAVE BUT I JUST EAT THINGS IN MODERATION AND ENJOY LIFE MORE THAN HAVING TO DEPRIVE MYSELF FROM THINGS I LOVE!
Funny – almost every one of these “bads” is sadly (is it?) close to “frequent” for me. I don’t even think about walking around barefoot, I have only ever carried backup insulin when traveling, and I eat granola bars on a regular basis. Pretty much the only thing that actually seems reasonably bad to me on your list of admissions is not testing after eating – which I also never do.
So, well done on being a good diabetic. Helps me realize how far off I am from that mark, but at least that’s a little bit motivating.
Wow, loved this article. It’s nice to find someone else that actually talks about the problems. I have way too many of them myself right now. The biggest at the moment is memory problems. I’m being told by my family that I am not remembering all the stuff I should be. It’s hard taking their criticism about it all the time. I feel I can’t help the situation.
Had to make a comment on this article. It seemed like someone followed me around for a few days and wrote down what I was doing. I must admit this fit me to a “T”. It helps make a person after reading this there ways and should really make an honest effort to change. Theres days were I just get tired of doing all the right things and want to carb out.
[...] if you aren’t perfect in your eating, don’t be too ashamed. Even Amy, the queen of diabetes isn’t perfect (although her version of imperfection involves yogurt and rice cakes; mine involves donuts and [...]
This is an excellent post Amy. I think everything you’re doing is normal and perfectly reasonable. I hate that word “good” diabetic.