For the first time in several years, I am feeling the pain of weight gain. In the last few weeks I noticed my pants fitting a little tighter, my thighs looking a little wider, and a fair bit more huffing and puffing as I attempted to jog back up the steep hill that leads towards our house.
Sure enough, the scale confirmed that I’ve gained at least a solid 5 pounds over the past few months of “letting my guard down.” By that I mean “forgetting” to be cautious about what I eat. I got a little spoiled, I suppose, because my diagnosis with the diabetes and the gluten intolerance sort of “forced me” to avoid sweets and packaged snack foods, along with most baked goods and pasta, and most starches and fruit as well. So for a long time now, it’s been sort of “easy” to maintain my weight without a day-to-day struggle.
But here’s the trouble: I realize that I’ve gravitated toward a lot of high-fat foods. For snacks, I’d rather pop a chunk of cheese or a handful of nuts in my mouth than anything that’s going to require the guessing game of carb-counting and insulin dosing. All that cheese and salami and those mixed nuts are now coming back to haunt me — especially in the killer combination of also eating more high-carb gluten-free foods, now that my daughter is on them. (Who can stand to waste an expensive & tasty half-eaten gluten-free blueberry muffin?)
So what I’m saying is: Aaaargh! I’m going to have to get focused on losing weight, or at least on NOT gaining an ounce more. Here’s a whole new set of frustrations to go along with the fight to keep my blood glucose under steady control. My heart goes out to Scott, and his love/hate relationship with food. That’s exactly how I feel today.
Mind you, I’m no stranger to this. I had a painful brush with an eating disorder in high school/early college that very nearly ruined my life. I do NOT wish to return to that dark place where I obsess about every morsel that passes my lips, ride the weight loss roller coaster, and beat myself up about it every day.
I do not want to hate food, because I love it. But do I love my body more? What I hate is feeling that I have to take sides between the two.