Four-Year Diaversary: Dreaming in D

Today marks four full years of diabetes for this particular LADA girl. In some ways, I can hardly believe it’s been that long since that fated day in May 2003. Yet on the other hand, I can hardly remember what life was like before… What did I eat? How did I exercise? Was there really a time when I didn’t have to think so darn hard about every move I make?

And now I know it’s become ingrained in me, because I’ve started dreaming in diabetes.

Free_fall Seriously, the other night I had a dream that I was balancing my glucose meter atop a novel I was trying to read, standing at some kind of shoe store check-out counter (don’t ask). I kept dropping the lancing device under the pages or something, so I was fumbling to pull it back up to a position where I could prick my finger.

The funny thing is, the meter in the dream wasn’t even my usual one, but the new, skinny little thing that comes with AgaMatrix’s Keynote, which if you recall I received as a sample and have been using on bike rides of late. I guess it really is the “disruptive” stuff that sticks in your subconscious…

And anything that seeps into your dream state seems to be a sure sign that it’s indelibly stamped on your waking consciousness, no? I mean, that’s how I knew when I officially became fluent in German years ago, after all: people in my dreams started saying things like: Warte doch mal, ich bin dran! and Ein bisschen lauter, bitte. (Trivial stuff, but in German, in my sleep.)

Four Years… Long enough to earn a college degree, or reach a second leap year, or make a mess of a war overseas, or even end a president’s term in office (from my blog to God’s ears). Long enough to become an integral part of who I am. Long enough for it to have altered my dreams forever.


17 Responses

  1. Melissa
    Melissa May 21, 2007 at 9:36 am | | Reply

    Congratulations on having survived 4 years of the big D now! I don’t mean that sarcastically either. I just “celebrated” 9 years of the big D May 15. I’ve never had tests done to prove one way or the other whether I am LADA or “true type 1″, but my onset was at 28, extremely sudden, needed insulin right away and absolutely no honeymoon period, so I’m probably not LADA.

    Anyway, wait another 5 years, I absolutely cannot remember life before the big D at all. Seriously. It’s kind of scary, it feels like I’ve completely lost sense of what is “normal”.

  2. Scott K. Johnson
    Scott K. Johnson May 21, 2007 at 11:32 am | | Reply

    And just look how far you’ve come in those four years?

    From the overwhelming diagnosis to being a celebrity (who I’m damn proud to be cyber-friends with!)!

    You’ve learned a lot and are doing a great service to the community.

  3. Kerri.
    Kerri. May 21, 2007 at 2:04 pm | | Reply

    Congratulations on marking your 4th anniversary with grace and pride!

    And I know what you mean about trying to remember the “before.” Diabetes and I have been paired up since 1986 – over twenty years now. Before? I can’t even begin to remember.

  4. M
    M May 21, 2007 at 2:16 pm | | Reply

    Oh no! I’m having those dreams too! Some are ‘anxiety’ dreams – where I think I’m going low and I have no munchies, or I’ve travelled a long way and left my insulin behind… I worry too much! Mostly though it’s just day to day stuff – or dreams about my meter / BG results if I’m actually low and about to wake up! (I remember one particular dream where I’d ordered flowers from the Emergency Services!! Sounds innocent enough, but it was spooky!)

    Happy 4 year anniversary – even if it’s nothing to be happy about, I still think it’s something to celebrate. Look how far you’ve come, how much you’ve learnt, and how you’ve turned Lemons into Lemonade by writing about it and helping so many others.

    I’m a LADA myself, with 2-and-a-bit years practice. Even in that short time I can barely remember how life was pre-D. I know I was feeling pretty shirty in the weeks leading up diagnosis, that’s for sure! The rest is a bit of a fuzz. I just can’t imagine life without needles, tests and a trillion thoughts a day about Blood Sugar & insulin.

  5. Red Spar
    Red Spar May 21, 2007 at 3:35 pm | | Reply

    Greetings, first time post here for me.

    I was diagnosed with Type 1 at 33 (I’m 40 now) and I think I am finally coming to terms with it. Once you do make peace with it, it is almost impossible to imagine ‘normal’ life again, especially subconsciously and your dreams incorporate that.

    I have had many dreams regarding my diabetes. I remember one where I was stranded in the middle of a forest trying to find my way home and I was completely distraught that I didn’t have my meter or insulin with me. This dream is just the subconscious realization of my anxiety over controlling my blood sugar and my vulnerability compared to ‘normal’ (using that word again) people.

    On the flip side, I have had a few dreams where I was worried about my blood sugar because I lost my meter, but I seemed to be magically ok without food or insulin.

    I do dream about my diabetes often now and it is incorporated as a given framework of whatever I am dreaming about – like walking, breathing or eating. As time goes on I think this will happen to you as well.

    The strange thing is now I can’t imagine what it would be like to eat a candybar or a slice of cake and not have to worry about it.

    Oddly, I think if I was magically cured tomorrow, it might be hard for me to deal with. It took me 7 yrs to get psychologically to this point and it would probably take me at least 1 yr to get back. It’s so strange that being cured almost sounds scary to me. Big paradigm shift as I think my diabetes defines me now.

    Hmmm on second hand, maybe I could get used to eating chocolate again without ever having to take a shot… ;) yummy

  6. Wade
    Wade May 21, 2007 at 4:45 pm | | Reply

    This year was my 50/50 anniversary. I have now lived half of my life with diabetes (turned 32 this year, and was diagnosed at 16).

    And I can still remember the before like it was yesterday…

  7. john
    john May 21, 2007 at 7:34 pm | | Reply

    4 years? BFD.
    37 years, and still kicking.

    I started with 28 gauge needles, and tes-tape.

  8. Rachel
    Rachel May 21, 2007 at 7:54 pm | | Reply

    four years. yeah, a lot has happened in the world. sigh. (and yet, still nowhere close enough to a real live cure.)

    I’ve been having a few of my own diabetes-related dreams the past couple months. (Before, they all related to the husband.)

    btw, I find comfort in the fact that I still have dreams completely in German, a phenomena that started in late high school, even though I haven’t kept up nearly enough with the language.

  9. Sunil S Chiplunkar
    Sunil S Chiplunkar May 21, 2007 at 8:50 pm | | Reply

    I can understand the concerns and anxieties, however I would suggest that besides drug management of diabetes, one ought to explore other options that have a very beneficial effect on the prognosis of diabetics. For eg. Yoga, pranayama, ganoderma therapy, ayurveda.

    One disturbing news is that rosiglitazone is having a number of cardiac side effects – 43% higher risk of heart attack.

    This is a useful URL:

    With best wishes to all
    Sunil S Chiplunkar

  10. "honey sweet"
    "honey sweet" May 22, 2007 at 6:02 am | | Reply

    Diabetes Mine: Four-Year Diaversary: Dreaming inD

    Amy Tenderich marks the four year anniversary of her LADA diagnosis. In just two weeks I will celebrate one year with this disease. The time want fast.

  11. "honey sweet"
    "honey sweet" May 22, 2007 at 6:02 am | | Reply

    Diabetes Mine: Four-Year Diaversary: Dreaming inD

    Amy Tenderich marks the four year anniversary of her LADA diagnosis. In just two weeks I will celebrate one year with this disease. The time want fast.

  12. "honey sweet"
    "honey sweet" May 22, 2007 at 6:02 am | | Reply

    Diabetes Mine: Four-Year Diaversary: Dreaming inD

    Amy Tenderich marks the four year anniversary of her LADA diagnosis. In just two weeks I will celebrate one year with this disease. The time want fast.

  13. Island in the Net
    Island in the Net May 22, 2007 at 6:18 am | | Reply

    Sunil S Chiplunkar – here we go with the herbal yoga new age crap again. If I had a dollar for every Indian who has suggested some stupid herb that will cure my diabetes…..

  14. Kassie
    Kassie May 22, 2007 at 6:30 am | | Reply

    I suspect that John-of-37-years also walked to and from school, uphill, in the snow… ;)

    Congrats of 4 years of health and advocacy. On the off chance that the cure doesn’t come next year (your five year mark), and the yoga doesn’t do the trick, here’s to many more healthy years!

  15. AmyT
    AmyT May 22, 2007 at 7:07 am | | Reply

    Thank you kindly, Kassie — and everyone else!

  16. Suzanne
    Suzanne May 22, 2007 at 12:49 pm | | Reply

    I have had many diabetes-related dreams… mostly about uncontrollable high blood sugars. Must be anxiety. It’s a relief to wake up and find that I’m indeed NOT stuck in the 400s as my bad dream would have me believe!
    Anyway, 4 years is a big deal… 4 days is a big deal with this disease. It’s 2.5 years for me. The line between “before diabetes” and “after diabetes” is getting fuzzier, but I still miss pouring a big bowl of Grape Nuts, dousing it with as much milk as necessary, and NOT measuring it!!

    Thanks for helping me deal with the past 2.5 years, Amy.

  17. Sunil
    Sunil December 29, 2008 at 4:01 am | | Reply

    Dear Island on the net, why are you marooned in an island? Come to the ocean of possibilities and knowledge. Go ahead explore the crap, with your dollars & open mind, and see if it will benefit you. Crap can be beneficial too! Then you won’t call this crap as crap!! Dear islander come to the world!!

Leave a Reply